Day 47

Well good news! The train was actually running today. The train left at 14h38 and now I am on the ride back to Paris. It is a crowded train and some of us are losing our seats because others have assigned seats but our group doesn’t. It’s not a huge deal because we haven’t had to move yet. We can still ride so worse come to worse I am on the ground.

This morning we had a little devotional because it was Sunday and we decided that if we tried to find a branch, we would probably overwhelm them and we really had nothing appropriate to wear. Yesterday we were told this and as soon as they mentioned this, I really wanted to give a talk. I can’t think of another time when I have volunteered to give a talk, especially on short notice.

I had thoughts coming to my mind all day yesterday about what I should say. I immediately thought of my topic. Hope. I had songs, scriptures, stories, and other things that came up while on the bus and I wrote them down. Finally I put my thoughts into a more coherent order. I really enjoyed putting it together. I thought I would write it down here, because it might be the words I need to hear later on down the road.

I started by telling them that the things I said might not apply to them, but to others they would understand. I told them I had written down everything I wanted to say, because I often get lost in my thoughts if I don’t so here it was:

“I wanted to start out by saying everyone has struggles. It may not seem like it, but everyone in this room is struggling with something-little or big or huge. It could be family problems, personal problems, school problems or any combination of everything or anything else.

Some of you may be fine, but some of you might not be. You might be struggling and suffering. Your heart may be breaking because of the trials you are being asked to endure. I promise your life can be filled with joy, happiness and hope again, but it might take time and work. And it is better to do it with our Heavenly Father’s help.

I learned through a hard experience that turning to our Heavenly Father in times of trials, is the best way to get through and be happy again. In Helaman 5:12 it says, ‘And now my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, that you mustbuild your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannotfall.” I think this is the best promise in all of the scriptures. If we center ourselves around Christ we will be able to get through.

Even if right now you feel like there will never be an end to your trial or sadness, I promise there is hopel Our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy he wants us to have joy. In 2 Nephi 2:25 it tells us that’ men are that they might have joy.’ Heavenly Father does not give us trials we cannot overcome. Don’t ever think you can’t do it or that it is too late to change.

To start on the path to recovery you need to enhance or develop your personal relationship with your Heavenly Father and you Savior. This means doing the little things like reading your scriptures and saying your prayers, even if it doesn’t seem to work sometimes. Showing the Lord that you want to be on the path again is a start. Pray for the things you need such as humility, faith, patience, healing, gratitude and other things you may be lacking.

As you continue to do this, things will improve. It is also important to try to do things that make you happy. Force yourself to just get out there and seize the day. Even if it is little, just do something.

I have found that it is important to enjoy the journey, because as Miley says, (Yes I actually quoted Miley Cyrus while trying to give a spiritual lesson hehe) ‘There’s always going be another mountain. I’m always going want to make it move. Always going be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m going to have to lose. It’s not about how fast I get there. It’s not about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb!’

If we wait until all our problems are over to be happy, then you will never find the time when you can be happy. There will always be another mountain.

The last line of Ever After has been coming to my mind since the castle. ‘Cinderella and her prince lived happily ever after, but the point, gentlemen, is that they lived.’ A little out of context, but it’s not all about out happily-ever-afters, because they don’t really come in this life, it’s about the road we take to get there.

Heavenly Father knows each one of us individually. He loves us and wants us to have joy. Our brother Jesus Christ suffered for all of our sorrows. He knows exactly how you feel and how you can return to happiness. Rely on Him to be your strength and your rock. He is there. He wants to see you suffer as little as possible. Turn to Him and you will find comfort.”

It was the first talk and then Spencer gave a short talk about pride and how we need to be more humble and love those around us. We then had a testimony meeting and most everyone shared their testimony. It was a great opportunity to get to know people better and appreciate them for who they are and who they want to be.

After the meeting I had a mini breakdown with the realization that I am not someone’s wife anymore. I am someone’s ex-wife. I don’t like that title and it makes me sad, but I have grown so much from the experiences that I have had. I will always be grateful for the things I learned in that challenging time of my life. I hope that I will be able to be a much better wife to a man who loves and respects me for who I am and who I want to be. I am so grateful for the ending of that terrible chapter in my life. There are good men out there and I am glad that I will have a chance to get to know some of them.

We are going to be home for dinner with the family which will be nice. I hope that my computer will be working when I get back, but I kind of doubt it. I hope we have an early night. It looks like it might be a busy week. A few tests and trying to figure out what else we need to do while we are in Paris. I can’t believe we are half over. We better get moving!

Hotel room-I pondered here-it was raining. I love it when it rains and I get to be cozy inside!

Train Station we left from

Martha enjoying her carrot snack on the train.

I was tired.

I started say some really dumb things at this point, that I thought were really funny.

Just talking about three red dots and five jumping horses at Lascaux Caves.

As you can tell the train ride was long.